Joe and Bill-A Texas Twosome

Sometimes it takes that weird twist of fate for two people to meet. They usually come from different backgrounds and seemingly have nothing whatsoever in common.  Joe and Bill were those two people.

Joe Hoosier worked with my wife Susie at Callahan’s General Store in Austin, Texas. Susie was the buyer and the animal health department head and Joe was her semi-retired, assistant. Joe was an old retired truck driver who couldn’t stand to sit still and needed something to pass the time until real-retirement set in. He had cowboyed some in Oklahoma and other areas and knew horses and cattle like the back of his hand. In other ways he was a quasi-renaissance man who wrote poetry and was a bit of a philosopher in his own way.  He never met a stranger and I can’t imagine that Joe ever had an enemy.

Callahan’s General Store is an Austin, Texas institution that has been around since the 70’s.  Susie told me that local and national celebrities alike frequented the store for boots, hats and other western gear. I called on the store for a short time when I was a Coastal Ag rep and once missed Lady Bird Johnson by 30 minutes one day. She came into the store, complete with her Secret Service detail and shopped for Buffalo Grass seed. Rick Perry, governor of Texas, filmed an election advertisement at the store.

From time to time Austin business people, politicians and other types would have social events that took advantage of the western heritage that Austin and Callahan’s offered. They would treat the guests to a barbeque and western themed party and also outfit the guests in western attire. Callahan’s would get a call to come out and fit the guests in boots, hats and other cowboy gear. Joe would usually be one of the employee’s that helped out. His personality and gift of gab was all that the guests needed to feel at home. Joe would take the guest’s hat and boot sizes and have them looking like John Wayne or Barbara Stanwyck in short order.

One time Joe told me that they were asked by Dell Computers to provide this service for some Dell guests and their spouses. Joe packed up dozens of boots and hats of various styles and went out to where the party was staged and began turning city slickers into cowhands in a manner of minutes. There were a about 10 or 20 people from the tech industry at the party waiting their turn to be duded up. One by one they would sit down with Joe and get themselves outfitted with hats and to quote Gary P. Nunn, the great Texas singer/songwriter who wrote “London Homesick Blues”, a pair of “manly footwear”.

One guest seemed out of place more than the rest and he hung out toward the back of the group. He was the last one to sit down with Joe and get sized. Joe asked the man his name and he meekly said, “Bill”. With the loud and gravely voice Joe was known for, he said, “ Alright then Billy boy, lets get you cowboyed up fer this here party.” Joe found Billy a slick pair of boots and a sweet hat and slowly he began to loosen up. He started laughing at Joe’s jokes and Texas witticism’s and the two quickly became friends.

At the end of the evening, Joe was packing up the extra boots and hats and Bill walked up to him and thanked him for his help and hospitality. Joe told him, “Billy, it has been my pleasure. If you ever get down this way again, give me a ring and we’ll go chase some cows”. Bill smiled, thanked Joe and left for the night.

As they were packing up to leave, Joe commented to the other Callahan employees, “That was one fine gentleman. A little squirrelly lookin’, but still a really friendly fella’ once he eased up.” They all looked at Joe with dazed looks and asked Joe, “You didn’t know who that was?” With the wit that only Joe had, he said “Well don’t leave me hangin’. Who was he?” They all looked at each other, laughed and in unison sounded off together, “That was Bill Gates!” Unfazed and serious as the day is long, Joe asked, “What the hell is a Bill Gates?”

I’ll bet next time Billy boy won’t have to ask who Joe Hoosier is.

Fun With Customers Part 3

Everybody has heard a fisherman's fish story where they tell you how big the fish was. You know the one where they hold their hands apart to show the size of the fish? It really is a great way to show size, but your audience needs to be on the same page as you.

Tony Foster is the owner of Valhoma Industries, a nylon tack manufacturer. Tony, along with my current boss Bo Brown, are two of the best sales reps I have ever worked with. They have the gift to make a customer feel like they are the only ones in the room. They are both excellent detailers and make customers feel at ease and not threatened whatsoever. I haven't worked with Tony in several years, but he tells a story that is simply a classic. I heard this story about 20 years ago, so I hope I do it justice.

Robert Boley and I worked together at Coastal Ag back in the early 90's. Robert was a great rep who traveled the east Texas piney woods and probably had more "characters" in his territory than anyone I have ever worked with. I was able to meet a lot of them when I filled in for Robert when he was on vacation or when I was selling tack for Coastal Ag. These store owners were as "folksy" and salt of the earth as they come and once you met them, you had a friend for life. Tony was riding with Robert while he was expanding his territory and was making a few cold calls at the end of the day. The two of them walked into a store, introduced themselves and told the stores employees about the products they represented. Robert asked if he could walk the shelves to see if they were out of any product and the owner obliged him. After he had checked the stores inventory, Robert and Tony sat down with the owner and began to go over Robert's list.

A few years back, several companies manufactured and sold a dog wormer pill that contained Dichlorophene and Toluene. They were usually purple in color and there were various sizes for different weights of dogs. 1 lb., 5 lb., 10 lb., 25 lb. and 40 lb. were the weight that the pills medicated and you gave a dog the pills that added up to the dogs weight. The largest of the pills were about the size of a pecan or peanut and the smallest were the size of peas. A sixty pound dog would take 1- 40 lb. and 2-10 lb. pills in order to be wormed. These wormer pills were normal stock items for just about every feed store in the state and I remember taking orders for them at literally every account I called on in a normal work day. 


When Robert was almost to the end of the pet section of the list, he told the buyer, "Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. You're just about out of 40 lb. dog wormer pills. Should I send you some of those?". The owner looked at Robert with a quizzical look on his face and said "Say that again?". Robert gave a half confused glance at Tony and then told the man again, "You're out of 40 lb. dog wormer pills. Should I send you some?" The owners expression was that of dire confusion. Robert had really stumped him on this one. He squinted his eyes and repeated "What?" By now Robert and Tony knew something was amiss in deep east Texas. Robert once more repeated slowly, "40 lb. Dog pills. You're out." 


By now the store owner was as confused as a T-sip at a Mensa convention. (Did I just say that? I did). He unfolded his hands and held them out in front like he was trying to show how big a fish he caught. He held his hands about shoulder width apart and with the most perplexed look ever, questioned once again, "40 lb. dog pills?". By now Robert and Tony knew what had confounded the man. The store owner literally thought they meant a 40 lb. pill. Robert looked down at the table, slowly closed his order pad and said, "Thank you for your time. We'll be in touch." 


Robert and Tony walked back to the truck knowing they could now tell their grandchildren, without a shadow of a doubt, that they had now heard and seen it all.