Turkey Day Rewind

Turkey Day Rewind

Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday. Sorry Jesus Christ. Your birthday has been around a lot longer than Thanksgiving, so we can give some homage to the turkey for a little bit.

The other day I tried to recall as far back as I could, my earliest memories of Thanksgiving. I’m not sure why, but I could only get back to age 10. The more I think about it, I don’t think I even had a favorite food at that age. We had just moved to Baytown, Texas from Covington, Louisiana and that fall my mom was 8 months pregnant with my brother Dan. We ordered takeout Thanksgiving dinner at Wyatt’s Cafeteria. Mom probably said to my dad, “Screw this. I’m pregnant and I’m not cooking.” Having had to deal with a pregnant spouse twice before (me and my sister Amy), I’m sure Dad knew to choose his battles and did the smart thing. I remember going to the cafeteria with my sister and Dad bringing home a big ole box ‘o Thanksgiving. My Dad’s parents came over and I remember posing for pictures with my Oklahoma Sooner shirt and my high water, corduroy pants.  Fashion and me never have got along too well.

On to Turkey Day memories…..

Thanksgivings of Day’s Past

Seems like Thanksgivings got better as I got older. No more sitting at the kid’s table has a lot to do with it. In the early 80’s, I had my own apartment in Baytown, Texas and I sponsored a couple of parties called “The Annual Tim Guest Day Before Thanksgiving Party”. Big times with a keg of Old Milwaukee beer and loud music. How I managed to cram 60 people into my 1 bedroom apartment I will never know. Dink and Laura Stephens had been married about a year and when they arrived Dink asked where he could put his jacket. I didn’t have a closet so he put it inside the dishwasher so he wouldn’t forget it. Genius. I recall someone (name withheld to protect the stupid) showing the partygoers that if you breed 2 Igloo Playmate coolers you get a 20-quart bigger one. I know, I’m scratching my head right now too. My neighbor below me must have detested me, because Baytown’s finest showed up around 11:00 that night and things quieted down from there.

Another time back in Baytown, me, Robert Burch and Chris Hastie went over to Chris’ mom’s house for Thanksgiving and ate ham. I don’t think I ate so much ham in my life. One tended to get really hungry hanging out with those two, if you know what I mean. Cough, cough….

The year my brother was married, the whole family went to Austin in order to remind Dan to never do this again. Dan and I fried our first turkey and for some reason, it came out fantastic.  The only hitch we discovered was what to do with the oil. We then hatched a covert operation that even Dick Cheney would have been proud of. Since Dan’s neighborhood was still under construction, we took the oil under the cover of darkness to a vacant lot and poured it out. I love the smell of warm peanut oil in the morning. Robert Duvall, Apocalypse Now reference…..

Susie and I had our first Thanksgiving the year before we were married. She lived in Austin and I was still living in Seguin. Her brother managed to get us tickets to the Texas A&M-Texas game in College Station on Thanksgiving Day. Susie’s sister Dalia and her future husband Jerry drove to Austin Wednesday night and we all cooked Thanksgiving lunch on Thursday. After lunch we drove to College Station and froze our arses off in our end zone bleacher seats.  These were the bleachers that faced directly north. Into a 30 mile per hour wind. I don’t think I could have been colder. We drove back to Austin with sleet and snow the whole way and somehow made it back dent free.

Since we have moved out west, we don’t have the gigantic, multiple family celebrations as in past years. It’s really a pleasure to have a quiet celebration, but I do miss our relatives. The first year back in California, we had our first Thanksgiving with just the two of us. We couldn’t find a stunted growth, malnourished turkey so we went with a chicken. Why couldn’t the turkey growers cross a chicken with a turkey and come up with a smaller version?  Anyhow, we cooked an amazing roast chicken with olive dressing. Susie made a couple of pies and I cooked the dressing and potatoes. We also had green bean bundles wrapped in bacon. Nothing is bad with bacon. Duh. Bacon on a truck bumper would be delish. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

PS-Dump the turkey oil in cat litter next time. Much less mess and smell. Your neighbors will love you…..

Working With Bo

Working With Bo

“We want you to jump on board with us. C-mon!”

This was the voice mail my future boss left me after I interviewed for a territory manager position with the Bo Brown Company. I have to admit, I wasn’t real sure if “C’mon” meant, “Give me a call me back” or “Hurry up man! Let’s go!” After a few years working for Bo, I think I am getting it figured out.

Working for Bo is a pleasure and a challenge. He is by far, the best “people” person I have ever worked with, and going away, the best salesperson. I learn something new every time I am around him. When I say challenge, I mean he has his own language, so to speak, and you literally need a reference guide to understand him.

The first instance of this came with a phone call to Bo about a month after I started working for The Bo Brown Company. I called his cell and he answered, “Brown here!” I think I hung up because I wasn’t sure who it was. Another time Bo answered his phone “Bo Bo here!” I didn’t say anything for a few seconds and he finally said, “Tim-o, is that you?”

 Mealtime is when the best of Bo seems to come out. When he makes dinner reservations the hostess asks whose name the reservation is under. He never misses and answers, “Brown. Like the color.” Of course then he has to use his second most famous line with the waiter. He always grabs the waiter or hostess and says, ”Hey man. You got any coupons?” I suppose he must have asked for coupons before and they had some. Might as well ask. When asked what he wants to drink, Bo usually replies “Red wine, but not that expensive shit.” I about choked on a piece of ice.

One time while eating dinner with a group, we were discussing the best ways to get out of a speeding ticket. Some of the better responses were asking the policeman if he was selling tickets to the Policeman’s Ball, in which the cop usually says, “I’m sorry, Policemen don’t have balls.” Bo piped in and told us he always told his kids that if they got between a rock and hard place, they should just tell the cop, “I got the diarrhea.” I want to try it out, but I don’t know if I could pull it off.

I asked Bo how his dinner was and without a hitch, he responds, “It’ll bubble up a turd.” Not the newest response I have heard; Kelly Wilkie usually says the same. After eating dinner it never fails that the staff will try to get us to order desert. I asked Bo if he was going to have any and he said, “Can’t. I got the sugar diabetes.” Chocolate and him don’t get along real well, so he passes and reminds us, “That’ll pop up a zit if you’re not careful.’

Bo and I had a lunch meeting with some customers one day. They had us meet them at the restaurant and we arrived about the same time as them. We all sat down at the table and our customer starts ordering food for all of us, even drinks. Bo leaned over to me and whispered, “Ain’t this some shit!” I almost spit out my eggroll.

Bo Brown Company meetings are an opportune time to learn when Bo is around. He has been in this industry forever and he helps us learn about mistakes. He always cautions us to be careful about what you say and whom you say it to because, “You might get into a jackpot.” Truer words have not been spoken.

One time Gina Hawley (my business partner) placed a big order with one of our customers. Bo was pretty jazzed with this and responded as only Bo can. I don’t know how he does it, but Bo tilts his head to the right, clasps his hands together next to his mouth and makes of big popping sound like a cork being pulled out of a wine bottle. I have been watching him do this for 5 years from all angles, but I can’t figure out to save my life how he does this.

 Bo gives excellent advice and we all take what Bo says as the gospel. Gina was telling me that she asked Bo for some advice and Bo told her “You’re a grown-ass woman; you can make up your mind.” Being the always cool and calculating person I am, I decided to use that line.  Later that day Gina and I were driving to an account talking about a completely different subject. She asked “What do you think I should do?” Trying to be funny, I mused, “Well you’re a big-ass woman, you decide.” I noticed she didn’t say much for a few seconds and I looked over at her. The daggers from her eyes were heading straight at the carotid artery in my neck and she glared at me and said, ”What in the hell did you just say?” Of course we laugh about this exchange now, but for a few seconds that afternoon, I didn’t think I was going to live to see the sunset that evening. I am still careful when I eat at a restaurant with her and I watch her like a hawk to make sure she doesn’t spike my food. One can’t be too careful….

Bo has always been very complimentary to people he likes and people he likes to work with. The other day he was complementing one of the buyers he works with.

“She’s amazing to work with. She’s bionic.” I think you need to be born before 1968 to understand what in the world he was talking about.

 Bo’s wife Ruth tells a good story also. She told us that Bo gets up earlier than her and is wide awake when she gets up. Bo’s been up for a while and wants to talk. Ruthie just looks at Bo, puts her finger to her lips in a shushing manner and slowly turns her head left to right in a very convincing negative way. We only thought Bo was the boss….

Working for this man has been a tremendous blessing and I am super fortunate to be on his team. To be able to watch Bo work a tradeshow, detail customers on product or make the rounds at the dinner table while we are eating is magical. The man knows people and how to treat people. I’m a lucky guy.

Bo, Gina and Me

Mom or Dad?

Who had the biggest impact on your life, mom or dad? Tough question, huh? I would hate to get backed into a corner and have to answer this one.

One of my best friends growing up recently lost his mother. I cannot begin to imagine what that could do to my world, not to mention my buddy’s world. I don’t know if it was a long struggle or something sudden, but never the less, I don’t know if I am ready for that scenario to happen to me.

Most moms are around more than our fathers are because most dads’ work. I can’t think of anyone of my friends who had a “Mr. Mom” or stay at home dad. My mom shuttled us to baseball practice and took us to the swimming pool and then went home and cooked dinner. I never realized how hard it is to work all day and then come home and cook dinner, until I moved out on my own and then had to face cooking a meal after a long day at work.  Pizzas became a staple in my diet at that junction of life.  Mom was around us more and saw us grow up more than my dad did. No shot against my dad, but he was the breadwinner and he had his work to do.

One of my dad’s chores at home was discipline. Mom took care of it until I had grown big enough to laugh at her when she popped me with the yardstick. Big mistake on my part. If I had just faked a few tears, life would have been much less painful. As I got older, mom just gave up on the spanking and found a new way to set me straight.  How many of us remember your mother saying, “Just wait till your father gets home!”  The words give me a chill to this day. I remember sitting in my room agonizing over the incredibly slow clock that seemed to tick my life away, while I waited my fate. Reminds me of Richard Pryor talking about how his grandmother would make him cut a switch for his own whipping. He said, “ If I brought back too small of a switch, my grandmother would get the whole tree.” I thought I had it tough….

Dad was probably more of an encourager than mom was. Not a bad thing, but its probably a guy thing. My sister would probably say the same thing about our mom. My dad liked me to play sports and encouraged me and my brother to a point. I’m pretty lucky, because some of my friends did not get that from their dads. The games of catch are etched in my mind forever. He even tried to ride motorcycles with me, but flipped my bike when he tried to ride it and never attempted again. Ha, funny remembering him say, “I got this!”, and then land on his back. Sorry pop, but it was pretty hilarious.

Mom was there when my dog died when I was in college. She listened to me bawl like a lost calf and helped me to move past it. Dad was there when I failed in California the first time I lived there.  He helped me get on my feet again and gave me someone to talk to. They both gave me a piece of their mind the first time I came home drunk on a Saturday night. Both of them had their place and time in my life.

You’ll never get me to pick one over the other. I don’t want them coming back with the tree.

Where Oh Where Is Charlie Pride

What in the world has happened to country music? I was perusing the newspaper the other day and stopped down to check out the current top 10 song rankings.  I’m a hip guy (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) and I need to be current with my tunes. It’s bad enough that I didn’t know a soul on the pop charts, but I don’t think I had ever heard any of the songs on the country top ten.

I made it a point to listen to country music stations one day as I traveled. Holy crap, but that was painful to do. Has Nashville deemed it necessary to mix country, rock and rap into songs these days? I was in the airport the other day and I thumbed through a country music magazine to put a name with a face. It looks like the current “stars” are nothing but a load of wanna be rock rejects. Wannabe rock & rollers put on a goofy ass hat and become country. How precious…

I imagine that people in the 70’s probably thought the same thing about Charlie Daniels and Willie Nelson, but back then music had substance. The 70’s were about rebellion and fighting back. “Uneasy Rider” by Charlie Daniels was a great story of long hairs vs. the crew cut, Pabst Blue Ribbon drinking, country establishment of the times. Today, country singers sing about mudding in 4 wheel drives, wearing John Deere caps and being slutty. Not a lot of believability. Kind of like some of the rap songs I occasionally hear…

Folks, we need another list! Maybe we can show people what music is and what music is about.  But first, a picture of old & young Willie.

Doing what you have to to get people to pay attention to you.

                                                              

                                                                   

Flippin the bird to Nashville

and doing your own thing...

  

Top Country Music Singers or Groups

(No particular order)

George Strait- Definitely a gimme. No singer has done more to the genre.

Jerry Jeff Walker- Father of Americana music. Sorry Woody Guthrie, but Jerry Jeff brought it to the mainstream. Robert Earl Keen has no clue….

Ray Price- What a voice.

Linda Ronstadt- Easily the most versatile singer ever. Her first stuff (“Silver Threads & Golden Needles”) is amazing. Her Mexican Ranchero or Mariachi music is some of my favorite.

Johnny Cash- Little bit of early rock n roll and mixed with country. Elvis went mainstream and Johnny Cash made music.

Conway Twitty- Just listen to “Hello Darlin” and you’ll see why.

Tammy Wynette/George Jones- Best duo ever and pretty good by themselves. See “DIVORCE” and “The Race is On”

Alabama-Who the hell is Rascal Flatts? I’ve already forgot…

Waylon Jennings/Willie Nelson-Outlaw country is a little tired these days, but these two did more for the progressive movement than anyone. Luckenbach, Texas still hates them for using their town in a song.

Bob Wills- “It don’t matter who’s in Austin, Bob Wills is still the king.”          

Alan Jackson- A man truly making music because he wants to. 

Obligatory Honorable Mention

It is hard damn work to come up with this group of honorables. There are so many singers and songwriters that can actually carry a tune and leave us wanting more. I’ll try to be impartial….

Gene Watson- Baytown, Texas native that made it to the big time. Great voice and good cry in your beer music.

See “Got No Reason Now For Going Home”.

Pam Tillis- Good genes (her dad is Mel Tillis, my hero J) and a set of pipes. Should have gone farther, but I think some people would say her voice was too twangy for her era.

Jimmy Buffet-Probably the most underrated in this whole group. Band wagoner’s fill up stadiums to see him, but thanks to Dink Stephens brother Paul, we found out about him way before the Parrot Head was conceived.

Clint Black- He’s a little of a youngster compared to others. He made his bones with Garth, but had more scruples to be himself. Listen to “Closing Time” from his first album.

Patty Loveless- Similar to Clint, because she too, played what she wanted to. Saw her open for George Strait after she was already a star in her own right. Say’s a lot about who she is…

The Byrds-The Byrds? At first I thought they were making fun of twangy country music, but as I listened, I heard country with an edge. Kind of like if Buck Owens and Chrissie Hynde had an illegitimate child….

Michael Murphy-Similar to a chameleon. He goes from cosmic cowboy stage to mainstream country to buckaroo country. All of it top notch.

Ricky Skaggs- His band was one of the great ones. He’s on the bluegrass now, but his music is timeless.

Martina McBride- Was tough to choose between her and Linda Ronstadt. Her voice is to Ray Price’s.

Moe Bandy/Joe Stampley- Saw them both in the early 80’s. Moe was a rodeo crooner and Joe was a beer joint songster.

Who can forget “Where’s the Dress” by them as a duo, “All These Things” by Joe and “Someday Soon” by Moe.

There are a ton of others to mention in this list; Gary Stewart, Steve Wariner, Asleep At The Wheel, The Gatlin Brothers, Mickey Gilley, Earl Thomas Conley, Reba McIntire, Sweethearts of the Rodeo, Radney Foster, Deborah Allen, Janie Fricke, Charly McClain. I could keep on typing till midnight if I had the time.

It really is sad to see where country music has fallen to. I don’t think it was purposeful or any evil intent was the factor. Money rules everything it seems and this may be the common denominator to country music being tits up. All the so called divas in popular music can take lessons from Linda Ronstadt, Emmy Lou Harris and Martina McBride to name a few. The redneck phase of male singers who try a little to hard to be “country” is hard to watch and even harder to listen to. You don’t need to slut it up or see how trashy you can be.  Just sing.

This is a negative dissertation, but I bet I’m not the only one who see’s this gutter dive called country music. I wish I could sing. I wish my hands and fingers could play the guitar. I’ll never know what it’s like to stand on a stage and hear applause. These people on my list have all the before mentioned talent and use it the right way. Well most of them did. George Jones drank like a fish and drove lawn mowers to town, but I digress.

Jimmy Buffet had a song called “Making Music for Money”, that told of making music to please yourself and not for the money. A little bit out there (we all need to make money to live) but I think it was a common thread in the day.  What would I do if I had the “talent”? I’d probably blow it all on a bottle of 30 year old scotch and a big ass T-bone steak dinner.

Ohhhh, but it would be good…