Fun With Customers Part 2

Where a person ends up living is always anybody's guess. Just ask me; I've lived in 6 states and around 15 different cities since I graduated high school. Obviously, I don't mind moving and starting over.

I had a customer (Ferguson was his name; Fergie for short) in Brownsville, Texas who was part owner in a pet store there. He was originally from Scotland and was a great guy who had a serious Scottish accent. I enjoyed talking with him and learning a little about Scotland in my bi-monthly sales calls. How in the hell he ended up in Brownsville, Texas is a good question.

Fergie partnered up with a lady, Irazema, in Brownsville and opened this pet store in a Brownsville mall and confounded everyone with his accent. You have to remember that the majority of the customers were Mexican citizens who crossed over to shop in Brownsville.  I laughed to myself every time a customer who spoke little to no English would try to converse with him. Picture a Scotsman with rolling r's trying to figure out what a Mexican with as many rolling r's is trying to purchase. It got better when the customer tried to bargain with him and get a better price.

Fergie's partner spoke Spanish and bailed him out from time to time when matters got tense. He would get red-faced and his accent became thicker as he tried to close the sale. I would be walking the shelves writing the order and would get nervous myself. Finally Irazema would come over and bail him out. She got a bit of a kick out of it and would grin and Fergie would fume. I learned to not look at him speak and just listen to what he was saying and I could understand him better. I think that made him madder.

One day while I was finishing up their order and Fergie told me he had a special order to add. He said, " I need you to odd (add) some moose traps to the order." I looked at him kind of funny-like and asked him to repeat himself. He in turn, looked at me a little bewildered and said " You sent them to us before laddy." He pronounced it "loddy". I said to him about as confused as a hillbilly looking at a washing machine, "Fergie, are you sure that's what you need? We don't have traps that big." The look on his face was priceless. He started to get red-faced again and he said "Moose traps! For the little brown furry buggers!". I stood there for a couple of seconds and thought about what this pissed-off Scotsman was saying to me and it hit me. I laughed and said "Mouse traps? You mean mouse traps!".  He rolled his eyes and sputtered back at me, "Yes that's what I said! Send me soom (some) damn moose traps! What the bloody hall (hell) did ya think I was sayin?"

Good times.